An Open Letter to the Mom Who Raised This Mom

Dear Mom,

There were a lot of things I never knew until now. I never knew how you must have felt when the nurse handed us to you and you got to see us for the first time. I never knew what was running through your head before each one of us was born – worries, anxiety, fear, excitement. I never knew what it was like for you to make so many sacrifices for us. I just didn’t know.

I never knew what it was like for you to juggle all of our schedules and your own at the same time. I never knew how hard it must have been for you to continue living your own life while making sure our lives were the best in the world. I never knew how hard things must have been for you at certain times. I just didn’t know.

I never knew how tired you must have been each night you stayed up with us and rocked us to sleep or rubbed our backs when we were sick. I never knew what it felt like for you to never really have time for yourself. I never knew how it must have felt for you to always be giving everything you had. I just didn’t know.

I never knew what you felt like each time you left the house to make more money in order to provide for us. I also never knew how much you must have enjoyed those car rides by yourself. I never knew how much you were relishing in your quiet time when I got out of bed, came downstairs and asked if I could stay up just a little longer. I just didn’t know.

I never knew how exhausting it must have been to help us with our homework, cook dinner, clean the house, feed the animals, iron our clothes, pack our lunches, and be patient and loving all at the same time. I never knew what you felt like when each one of us was yelling, “MOM!” in unison. I just didn’t know.

I never knew how hard it was for you to deal with my need to always be around you. I never knew how many days you must have been late to work as you packed our lunches, never forgetting to put a loving sticky note on my sandwich bag. I never knew how high your heart was in your throat when we got on the bus for the first time. I just didn’t know.

I never knew how stressful it must have been each time you left work early or skipped a meeting in order to be our biggest cheerleader at our games. I never knew how angry you must have been when someone tripped us on the field. I never knew how much joy you experienced while watching us grow and learn new things. I just didn’t know.

I never knew how scared or sad you were each time one of us was sick, hurt, or had our heart broken. I never knew the pain you felt when one of us was making a decision you knew was a very bad one. I never knew what it must have felt like when you truly knew better and we didn’t listen. I just didn’t know.

I never knew what it was like for you to love us immensely while also worrying about us constantly. I never knew that you were always putting us first every single second of every single day. I never knew what it was like for you to put your goals and dreams on hold for a little while. I just didn’t know.

I never knew how much I must have hurt you when I wrote “I hate mom” all over your favorite antique bureau with a sharpie marker. Back then, I never knew that you had emotions and feelings just like I did. I never knew what it felt like when the vast majority of your actions were selfless. I never knew what it was like to very seldom receive a “thank you” or an “I’m sorry, mom”. I just didn’t know.

I never knew what it felt like for you when we all grew up and left home. I never knew that all those years taking care of us were some of the greatest years of your life. I never knew how it felt to wonder if you would be bothering us by just calling to say hello. I just didn’t know.

I never knew that you needed that hug just as bad as I did. I never knew how much your heart soared even during the smallest of moments with us. I never knew how fun it was for you to teach us and show us how magical life can be. I just didn’t know.

I never knew that the tears that formed in your eyes when we did something great came from the deepest part of your soul. I never knew the pride you felt each time we remembered a life lesson you taught us. I never knew how special it was for you to just watch us be ourselves. I just didn’t know.

I never knew how much your heart was bursting every time we came home with another award, trophy, or medal. I never knew how much you cherished every single piece of our art work. I never knew what it was like for you to spend so much time baking our cakes, making our Halloween costumes, and painting rabbit feet on the floor every Easter. I just didn’t know.

I never knew how fun it was for you to live our lives with us. I never knew that by simply including you would make you feel like the happiest person in the world. I never knew how loved you felt each night we fell asleep, arguing over who got to put their arm around your neck. I just didn’t know.

Back then, I never knew that everything you would do for me from the moment I was born would lead me to where I am today. Back then, I never knew that having you as a mother would turn me into this strong, confident, loving person.  Back then, I never knew that you would be my greatest mentor on my journey through life. I just didn’t know.

I also never knew that when I wished to be a mother just like you that it would actually come true.

But now I know.

I love you.

6 Comments

  • Brianna ,
    I am so touched by your words. I was always amazed at your moms quiet strength and resolve to always put her children first. She’s truly a special woman and I am blessed to have her for a life long friend. Bless you Brianna!

  • This is so beautiful. Great timing too with Mother’s Day on the horizon. I should be more appreciative always, but this time of year definitely makes me think about everything my mom went through! Especially now that my first and only child is turning one…motherhood is not easy!

    • Thanks for taking the time to read it! Happy early birthday to your little one. I actually checked out your page yesterday and your son is adorable! After the 1 year mark it gets to be so fun. Yes, motherhood is NOT easy, that’s for sure! It’s hard to always remain mindful and appreciative of everyone in our lives who truly cares about us which is why I wanted to write this piece. The sacrifices and the amount of love given by a lot of mothers in incredible. My little guy is a year and a half and every single day I am experiencing these moments where I’m like, “Wow, my mom did SO MUCH!” Enjoy every moment!

  • I really love your site.. Great colors & theme. Did
    you create this site yourself? Please reply back as I’m planning to create my own personal site
    and would like to find out where you got this from or just what the
    theme is named. Thanks!

    • Hi there,
      Sometimes it’s hard for me to tell if a comment is spam or not but in the chance that you’re a legit person, I will share that I did create this site myself. If you would like some more information on the logistics around how I did it, feel free to email me at brianna@conscious-journey.com. Thanks for the compliments.

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